The Many Faces of the Angel

I've noticed over my career that most people have very well developed inner critics, pushers, put downs, yes-butters, saboteurs—really, all kinds of inner gremlins—and very poorly developed angels or inner coaches. It is easier for most people to hear their inner critics than to...

Cultivate Your Inner Coach

Celebrate Your Angel

We all need a cheerleader who will help us get up when we fall down, persist when the going gets rough, and believe in us when we begin to doubt. How often do we want to call in an expert like Woody Allen did in Annie with Marshall McCluen? Or seek guidance about which path to take, what decision...

How an Angel Voice Develops

As children, we assume the voices of the adults and older siblings around us. Watch and listen to children at play and it is easy to ascertain what the adults around them are saying to them.

“Okay Stefan, just keep working at it. You'll eventually succeed.”

“What a stupid...

Variety is the Spice of Life

Some people think that acting consistently means always behaving the same. If we follow that to its logical conclusion, it requires that we draw a box around ourselves and stay within it. Doing so provides a certain illusion of safety and surety about what might happen.

Another way to think about...

Each Voice Matters

Life is so much more pleasant when there are no internal conflicts. Decisions are easy, taking action follows smoothly, and joy accompanies the journey. However, when there are internal conflicts, voices that have disparate opinions argue, decisions are difficult, taking action is replaced with...

Freedom through Diversity

The title is rather strange but I do think that diversity can lead to freedom. Internally, when we have a cast of characters competing for their way, it is hard to think that inviting diversity will lead to anything but a cacophony of voices. What I've found is that by inviting each character...

The Round Table

The complexity of an individual can be described by illuminating the internal cast of characters that come to the fore in various situations, clarifying what part each plays, and noticing how they interact with each other.

Just like Shakespeare’s verse, “All the world’s a stage, and all the...

Reaping the Rewards

Any action is often better than no action, especially if you have been stuck in an unhappy situation for a long time. If it is a mistake, at least you learn something, in which case it's no longer a mistake. If you remain stuck, you learn nothing.”
- Eckhart Tolle

Face it. Relationships...

On the Road

If we think of an important conversation like a road trip, the phases would match up like this:

Phase 1: Preparatory

Do you want to take a road trip? If the answer is yes, Where will you go? What is your ideal itinerary? Will you have a detailed itinerary or get in the car and go where the wind...

Focus on the Prize

Once you’ve done the challenging inner work of preparing and planning your important conversation, and after you have completed AEIOU or your variation of it, you enter the body of the conversation. Sweaty palms and a racing heart often accompany these moments. As you well know, you never know...