Ingredients of Interpersonal Courage
August 10, 2015
Courage is a resistance to fear, mastery of fear, not absence of fear.”
- Mark Twain
It makes a lot of sense that people feel frightened about bringing up touchy subjects with people they love or with whom they work. If the conversations go south, there is a lot at stake. So, better shove it...
August 3, 2015
When I was in high school, my girlfriends and I visited the French Market in Georgetown. When one of my friends told the man behind the counter that I spoke French, he immediately began to speak with me in French. I understood him perfectly but refused to speak. Shyness overtook me as well as a...
July 27, 2015
Considering the etymological roots of the word curious that were addressed in What is Curiosity?, we'll focus this blog post on curious questions using some of the original roots of the word as well as some of the relationship issues that curiosity helps repair.
I've posed some of the...
What is Curiosity?
July 20, 2015
Curiosity can affect the longevity and health of a relationship. If you get offended rather than curious, many people end relationships or at least distance themselves from others to protect themselves. When they get curious and find out what is really going on inside the other, the reward can be...
From Shame and Blame to True Curiosity
July 13, 2015
Shame and blame are not only habit patterns, they are proven methods of controlling people and keeping people stuck. Shame and blame are often used in families in an attempt to socialize children. Sadly, at the same time they work to stifle behaviors that parents/teachers/clergy don't want,...
Get Curious About Yourself First
July 6, 2015
By definition, if you get curious about yourself, you let go of shame and blame. There is no way to be in a state of shame or blame and really be curious. Curiosity presupposes that you are exploring and that you want to discover something. Why do you want to discover something? So that you can...
The Gift of Curiosity
June 29, 2015
One of the family stories that I've grown up with has to do with 'why.'
I have always heard that I asked “Why?” endlessly. Since I'm at my mom's house right now, I decided to ask my mom if I truly listened or if it was really a game.
She smiled, put down her...
When the Other Person is Defensive...
June 22, 2015
How do you diffuse a situation with someone who is reacting defensively and you are not? Here are some tips to experiment with when you find yourself in such a situation:
- Breath. Similarly to when you notice you are getting triggered, it is best to begin speaking from a calm, grounded attitude....
The Emergency Toolkit
June 15, 2015
A reader who is going through a rather hard time right now wrote to me and asked for an emergency toolkit for the unenlightened. Since I add myself to the ranks of the unenlightened (knowing how triggered I get sometimes despite all that I know), here's what I've found to be useful:
June 8, 2015
Oh, how easy it is to justify anger and make yourself 'right' for doing so. “But the other person was a jerk!” (or something to that effect) you say to yourself.
Justified you are, but who cares?
The notion of diminishing defensiveness also includes how we deal with someone...