Be Impeccable Expressing Gratitude

The Repercussions of Slipping focuses on what to do so that, rather than having dead bodies on the side of the road, your path is lined with joyous, thriving relationships. Not a bad goal, is it?

Are all relationsips equal? Certainly not. However, if they are not toxic and detrimental to your well being, look for some redeeming factor and focus on that. This does not mean being a door mat and taking abuse. Rather, set limits for yourself and remove yourself if the conversation turns negative. Practice the positve with whomever is acting negative as an experiment and see what happens.

If all else fails, set your expectations for the relationship at a lower bar. Converse as acquaintances rather than true friends.

If your goal is to be impeccable in your conversations, play with ways that you can stay focused on being in your integrity, using right language (meaning ethical, respectful, kind, relational), and finding the right kind of relationship with this particular person. I'm using the word right to mean appropriate for you rather than using the terms right or wrong to indicate good or bad.

Find out what will work for you so that you can be authentic (using different facets of your diamond) with the focus of remembering that you get to choose if you want to be 'right' or be happy. Do you want a road lined with dead bodies? Or do you want to look down a path lined with relationships that span your lifetime?

Directions:

  1. Breath before you speak. This will allow you to think. The executive functioning in your pre-frontal cortex will have time to decide to respond rather than to react.
  2. If you blurt something out that you wish you had not, do a “Take Two.” Apologize and say that you would like to say what you said differently. This time, say it in a respectful way, using the focus of keeping the relationship in tact and even improving the relationship.
  3. At the end of the conversation, give a GIFT:
    • Express Gratitude for what you and the other discussed and how you did it.
    • Tell the other person why this conversation and the relationships is Important to you.
    • Express your Feelings about the other and about the conversation.
    • Tell them your Thinking about how this will help the relationship move forward.
    • Your GIFT might take 30 seconds and sound like this: “I'm so grateful that we had this conversation. I appreciate your attitude and our ability to work through this difficult issue. Our relationship is important to me. I am delighted that we are both committed to working things out. I think this is going to help the team immensely. Thanks.”
  4. To expand the practice: Think about 5 important relationships in your life. Take the next 5 days to contact each of those people and give them a GIFT. Then, choose another 5 and continue contacting them. Continue this practice and you will find that extraordinary surprises begin to happen for you.

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