Initiate or You Could Wait for a Long Time
October 12, 2015
When our son was 4 years old, one of the children's songs we played for him had lyrics that my husband and I loved, “When you want something, you have to ask for it.” It is amazing how many adults don't live their lives using that simple idea.
The million dollar question has...
In the Beginning
October 5, 2015
As someone who values healthy, robust conversations about important life and work issues, I spend a lot of time reflecting on how to support people in creating a model and developing skills that support such dialogue. In my observations of myself and others, I've determined that there are...
Focusing When You are Less than Your Best
September 28, 2015
When adversity strikes, that's when you have to be the most calm. Take a step back, stay strong, stay grounded and press on.”
- LL Cool J
“Panic causes tunnel vision. Calm acceptance of danger allows us to more easily assess the situation and see the options.”
- Simon Sinek
Focusing When Hurt or Angry
September 21, 2015
Most of us human beings behave in ways we regret when we are feeling hurt or angry. Rather than taking the high road, we use the excuse that 'someone else started it' or 'the other person is acting like a jerk, so why shouldn't I' or some equally lame justification to let...
Focusing in a Written Response
September 14, 2015
When a conversation has gone south and you want to engage in relationship repair, set boundaries for the relationship, or end the relationship, a written response can be quite useful. That is, if you refrain from sending off an email that is written while angry, hurt, or in any triggered state....
Keep the End in Mind
September 7, 2015
You can be blindsided and derailed at any time in a conversation. Someone says something that is seemingly out of the blue that feels like an attack. Someone asks a question that, if answered, will take the conversation down a different path than intended. Or you have a strong reaction to...
Keep Your Lamborghini on the Road
September 1, 2015
Until recently, elementary schools taught reading, writing, and arithmetic as the 3 R's. Now, in addition to these R's, some schools understand that learning about relationships and self-regulation are other important R's that children need. Some innovative programs are emerging that...
The Many Faces of Courage
August 24, 2015
Courage in conversations looks and sounds different for each person. For one individual, speaking to anybody takes courage. For another, chit chat comes easily but initiating an important conversation feels difficult and takes courage. Others feel fearful if they anticipate any conflict, so for...
The Courage to Speak Up
August 23, 2015
The word courage comes from the Old French corage, which means “heart, innermost feelings.” In Middle English, courage meant to express “what is on one’s mind or thoughts;” it’s associated with bravery. While we often think of courage as the willingness to place one’s self...
Courage in the Face of Defensiveness
August 17, 2015
It takes courage to initiate important conversations when you fear something might go awry. It takes even more courage when you are met with defensiveness from the receiver. The ability to remain calm and practice interpersonal courage when the other becomes defensive is truly an art and a skill...